I quit! I quit! I qui --

I quit. 

I quit you diabetes. I quit, I quit, I quite ... I. QUIT! 

Oh if only that was possible. Unfortunately, I can't quit. If I did I'd basically be quitting life and well, let's be honest, I don't feel like doing that, especially considering all the hard work I put into earning my APR. (I can't apologize for mentioning that again, it will be a long time before the excitement wears off.) 

In the very back of my head, I always wish I didn't have diabetes but most days I just accept the fact I have it and plow through the day without much thought. It is what it is. This week though? It has been beyond crummy. I've cried and screamed and have rocked a pretty sour mood. 

Rarely are Mondays are a great day in general. This past Monday took it to an entirely new level. And overstayed its welcome ... for several days. By Wednesday I wanted to see if I could take out a restraining order against Monday. 

Yes, you are thinking I'm being dramatic but let me rehash the week for you. 

Monday:

• The CGM sensor I changed on Sunday failed while I was at work around lunch time;
• Spent over an hour on hold trying to get through to get a replacement sensor;
• Went to the dentist for a cavity (It is pure torment having things being stuck in my mouth);
• Attempted to change the sensor after dinner and drew massive amounts of blood (blood was gushing from my stomach when I removed the sensor, not exaggerating);
• I'm now rocking an awesome bruise from where I tried to insert the sensor;
• Spent another hour on hold trying to get another replacement 

Tuesday: 

• My CGM sensor and blood sugars were hanging out in the 200s. I had changed my infusion when I changed my sensor on Monday night. Since I was in the low 200s I knew the site was working. If it wasn't, my blood sugars would have been sky high;
• Ran a temp basal just to be sure and my sugars seemed fine the rest of the day. I really didn't want to have to call the help line yet again -- this time for a new infusion site;

Wednesday: 

• Met with a nutritionist so I could finally have a better idea of how many grams of carbohydrates I should eat a day -- and this meeting lead me being dramatic and just a mess, I fully own this;
• She insisted on weighing me. Bad move lady, bad move. I've gained 1.3 pounds and this sent me into a tailspin. I refuse to discuss actual numbers because this would lead me to feeling ashamed and hating myself with quite the fiery passion;
• According to her, I should eat between 45-60 grams of carbs a meal and then 30 grams for a bedtime snack. Fantastic! Did you know a serving of 8 whole wheat crackers is 18 grams? A bowl of Special K is 23 grams? An oatmeal raisin cookie at Panera is 62 grams? A snack pack of carrots (just carrots) is 8 grams? So, basically, I will be a rabbit from now on and eat a bowl of Special K with skim milk and eat some sugar free Jell-O (carb free baby, carb free) for all of my meals. To ensure I lose weight I need to stay at 50 or below per meal;
• Reflecting more on carb allotment, eating out just isn't going to happen. The delicious smashfries at Smashburger. A small serving -- 66 grams. A plain cheeseburger -- 44 grams. I suppose I can join my friends in eating out and consumer a Diet Coke. Yay! 
• My CGM sensor continued on Wednesday saying I was higher than I was which lead to more frustration

Thursday: 

• I woke up in the morning and my CGM said my sugar was 298. What the heck? I had a light carb (a rice cake) as my snack and have never had issues with it rising my blood sugars. I scrolled through my overnight CGM readings (remember, it reads your sensor glucose approximately every 5 minutes) and there was one reading in the middle of the night at nearly 400!!  
• That led to immediate panic, frustration, tears and stress -- none of which is good for the blood sugars;
• After I finished getting ready for work, I tested my blood sugar to bolus for breakfast and my meter read 195. The CGM read 300. Um, say what?! Not cool. I'm hoping that means sugars did not actually reach nearly 400 during the night;
• I saw my therapist that morning too. 8 a.m. appointment. Thanks to bad traffic he got stuck in, my appointment didn't start until 8:30 a.m. and had to be cut short to help him get back on track. 

So, yep, it's been a crummy week medically for me. I changed my infusion site this morning and am about to check my sugars to make sure it is working. Fingers crossed. The CGM was high this morning too and after my breakfast bolus went from the mid-200s to the 300s. It makes no sense. It is now reading the low-200s. Hoping the CGM is running higher than my blood sugars. I see my endro in a few weeks. I'm worried about this because of this week's CGM readings. I'm trying hard but these past few days just have not been on my side. 

Thankfully, today is Friday. And I'm anxious to go home after work and curl up with my dog and a good book for a relaxing night.