Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Diabetes blog week -- day two

This week is flying by. Tuesday is nearly over and I'm just getting around to writing my day two post for diabetes blog week. I'll have to write another post next week just to catch you all up on the chaos (good chaos) I've been experiencing this week. 

So, the topic for day two of diabetes blog week is "Keep it to yourself": 
Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet? Or from your family and friends? Why is it important to keep it to yourself? (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone. There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects. Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell and why you won't tell them.)
Just like Monday, this is a tough topic because I'm not quite sure what to write considering I'm quite open about my diabetes. I realize I'm not nearly as open as quite a few bloggers but mainly because I don't blog nearly as much. I tend not to blog as much as I would like to because life gets busy (see this week), my life is diabetes is pretty dull and as I've said over and over, I'm trying to make my blog a positive place and not a place consistently filled with ranting and whining. 

I'm far more open about my diabetes with the internets than I am with my family. Is that a little strange? Probably. Sure, my parents often ask how my diabetes is acting, if I've had highs or lows lately and how my check ups have been. My sisters and I rarely, if ever, discuss my diabetes (or my sister's diabetes). I'm not sure why -- we just don't. It is always there in the back of our minds but it just isn't discussed until something major happens. My parents are beyond amazing and incredibly loving and supportive but my father is the definition of worrywart. 

It is because of his immense worrying I tend to just give a brief overview of my diabetes when they ask about it. I'll gloss over any concerns or issues. My oldest sister was diagnosed in the 70s with type 1 diabetes. I was diagnosed in 1990. A few years ago my father admitted since the 70s he has never been able to completely sleep through the night out of fear something might happen to one of us. Even though we no longer live at home and are grown adults, he is still not able to sleep through the night. If I could give him anything, I'd give him the ability to sleep through the night. His worrying keeps me from sharing with him the details of the terrifying lows I've had (remember when I physically couldn't get out of bed and thought I would die?). I often feel like I cause him (and lets be honest, mom too) to worry so much I'm more of a burden than a blessing to him.

As I said, with the online community I share pretty much anything and yet I probably share very little. This isn't intentionally but rather I just have the thinking of not having much to share. Especially since so many other bloggers (who are amazing) have already covered anything and everything. I tend to share more via Twitter than through my blog. This is most likely because it is easier to say something in 140 characters such as "Man, my infusion site fell out right before my massage. Frustrating!" than to write an entire blog people will be interested in reading about how my infusion site fell out right before having an hour massage. If someone told me specific topics related to diabetes they wanted me to blog about, I'd share far more because I would know it would be interesting to at least one person. Make sense? Probably not but such is life. 

I think subconsciously I don't share as much as I could because I'm a perfectionist and don't want to be judged by everyone for not being a perfect diabetic. I'm working with my doctor on this thinking because no one can be perfect with diabetes all the time. Diabetes is its own wild beast and will randomly act up for no reason no matter how hard I try to manage it.

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